black hole serenity

coming back home for winter break has taken me back to my roots; and to tell you the truth, I hate it. I thought coming back would be pretty okay, maybe some softer ground rules have been set. Maybe my parents would realize that I'm nineteen already. Maybe I didn't have a curfew. Maybe I can hang out with friends I haven't seen in the longest time. Maybe my parents would be somewhat cool about who I am and what I do.

It was only when I stepped foot into my house did I realize that nothing would be different. Absolutely nothing.

You have no idea how hard I have tried to get through to them, reasoning with them that I'm old enough to know what's right and wrong. I'm not saying I know all there is to life, but enough to get me through. But it doesn't get through to their tiny, miniscule heads of theirs. Isn't it called "learning from your mistakes?" Am I not even allowed to make my own mistakes? I could yell at them for all I know, and STILL no change would occur. Do you know what their reasons are? Yeah, because they don't have any REAL ones. All they have to say is "so? That doesn't matter." Since when did nothing I have to say or do not matter? I have been fed up with them and their rules for so long that once I leave home, I'm going to live it up like a true college student should. It hurts sometimes. They don't realize I have had mental breakdowns all because of them. Not that they are bad parents. They could win the Best Parental Unit Award, hands down. But their reasoning is a bit off. I seriously don't give a flying fudge about how I'm not following tradition. They should realize that they are the only cause for me not doing so. Their boundaries, all their lectures, their unreasonable reasoning--it makes me who I am today. And for that, I am thankful in a way. But only in the way that means being glad to be leaving my family after break. All the stress that is put upon me makes me want to scream at times. However, they don't understand. And honestly, I don't think they ever will.