dig dig dig

before class on Friday, I sat down, watching television, eating my blueberry bagel, and tried surfing through the guide to see if anything interesting came up. And sure enough, the Disney movie that I had not seen in ages shows up. Here I am, excited as hell, glad that it just started. I was pretty bummed that I had to leave right when Pocahontas and John Smith meet and fall in love, but within those few minutes of watching Governor Ratcliffe order people around to keep digging the natural wonders of what was Pocahontas' homeland, I learned something about myself that I hadn't quite picked up on before.

I myself dig myself in rather large holes.

I don't mean to. Well, I do it unintentionally. I think it's because of my very complicated emotions and how whatever I say somehow brings chaos and pandemonium. Curse my complex emotions. Expressing myself in positive terms is always pretty easy for me, but the problem is, so is expressing the pessimism inside my soul. Does that make sense? Another thing I've noticed is that I'm pretty darn selfish. I only think about myself in most situations and not the other people around me who may get hurt. And I truly am sorry for all of that. Again, I'm digging myself in a really big hole.

I think it's about time for:

A QUOTE THAT TOTALLY BOGGLED MARISSA'S STATE OF MIND

L: I thought our story was epic. Y'know, you and me.
V: Epic, how?
L: Spending years on continents, lives ruined and bloodshed, epic. But summer's almost here. And we won't see each other at all. Then you'll leave town, then...it's over.
V: Come on. Ruined lives, bloodshed? You really think a relationship should be that hard?
L: No one writes songs about the ones that come easy.

In other news, in attempting to do the daily sudoku puzzles in the newspaper everyday, I came across the Horoscopes portion and realized that they hit amazingly close to home. Take Friday's horoscope for example:

Something old and worn can still be salvaged. If anyone can do it, you can.

A few days ago, my mother wanted to go to her sister's house to go and grab some of their old clothes, y'know, just to wear around the house. The entire family got dragged along as well (seeing as how I was appointed to drive for that one hour travel) and I'm really happy that I got to. Not only did my aunt bring out some of her old clothes, but also busted out some way awesome purses and bags! So now I'm about 9 purses richer, and they look so vintage, I love it!

Today's horoscope actually came at a very good time in my life, especially after yesterday's emotional fiasco:

Obstacles are created out of poor judgment. Realizing this, you bring your shrewd attention to everything you do. Your accurate assessment of the way things are will bring good luck.

This goes corresponds to the very beginning of this entry. I really need to stop over-analyzing things of such great simplicity. I would be fed up with myself already. Some characteristics of myself are beginning to be large problems and flaws about myself that I wish to correct. It's best for me just to rethink everything right about now...let's hope it works and that I become a better person in the process.