i don't know what it is, but my motivation has been decreasing at an accelerating rate. I've just been so overwhelmed nowadays with things that have clouded my mind for the past few months. I'm learning new things about myself, these all-around case files, and they're just complicated puzzle pieces that I need to put together by the end of my lifetime.
My willingness to succeed has been gradually dwindling away to God knows where. It's a horrifying thought. Today, my entire viewpoint on academics completely changed. But here's the thing, I don't know if I'm actually motivated to spark a change in my life; to actually do something to make it better. Every time I say that I'm ready to pump it up, it just doesn't happen the way I imagined it. To tell you the truth, I'm still stuck in high-school-mode and that, my friends, is not doing anything to improve my life whatsoever. I hate knowing that tomorrow is another day that leads to my future and I loathe the fact that I have to do something about it to actually come out the way I want to. That's why life is so difficult nowadays.
I'm not sure if I need someone to push me to do better, or some catastrophic event to keep me grounded, but I just found out that my life is a catastrophe as is. It's catastrophic in the sense that it's both a blessing and a curse. Sure, I need a little oomph in my life, that little spectacular unexpected, spur-of-the-moment freedom to keep me balanced. But as of right now, the negative catastrophe is weighing in and its consequences will be the end of me...well, so I reckon.
Someone help me gain an incentive.
I need the motive to grasp what the world calls life...
...as well as my future.
(which I am COMPLETELY terrified of.)
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