the word fucked

go look it up on urbandicionary.com. Out of those definitions, these are the ones that are hitting dangerously close to home:

- to be doomed to misery in the near future.
- doomed or destined for failure.
- utterly screwed.
- the state of having no future.
- to be in the worst possible situation at the most inappropriate time; usually spoken in accordance with the word "up" in a coarse manner.

As for dictionary.com, their terms are somewhat more...encouraging, to say the least?

- to bungle or botch; ruin.
- to act stupidly or carelessly; cause trouble; mess up.
- to act carelessly, foolishly, or incorrectly.

No, I take that back. Totally not encouraging. Rather, just another way to bring myself back to the reality that is my "fucked up" life and deal with it. Somehow. I think that website just has a much more scholarly way of spitting out the truth that is the word.

My heart rate has undeniably increased at such an alarming rate and the cause of this future cardiac arrest is the entire concoction of registration fees, late fees, parental reactions, chemistry classes, financial issues, my lack of motivation, my procrastination, and not to mention my own "what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-Marissa?!" antics. I'm turning 20 in 3 months, and yet I haven't grown up. This, unbeknownst to me until now, creates yet another conflict in my already UGH-life-stress-list. I have to figure out what to entitle my blog in 3 months, seeing as how I won't be a teenager anymore. What will I be referred to as? Tales from a Trivial Twenty-Something?! Mildly entertaining perhaps. (If you have any clever and quirky ideas, let me know.) Sigh, and the alliteration managed so well these past few months.

Why, oh why, does my life have to be so complicated? Someone kidnap me. Quick. Take me to a park. Take me to a swing set. And I want someone swinging next to me, telling me "everything's gonna be alright" over and over again.

Pronto.