above the influence

usually in life, parents say "Why can't you be more like your brother?" But in this case, it's the complete opposite. More like "Please don't be like your brother. You have to be different."

As much as it pleases me to hear that, coming from my parents and all, it's quite strange. I have always considered him as someone to look up to, a role model. And as I've mentioned before, there aren't many of those in my life. My mind has been set to satisfying my parents' expectations with good grades and a fulfilling social life. However, when it comes to one-on-one chats with my pops, I understood what was going on inside the minds of the parental unit. He would explain to me his disappointments and his past and what he thought about certain situations. But, whenever I would try to come up with something witty to say to back you up, I honestly can't. It was easier in the beginning because I got to hear what you had to say. But now...all there is silence. So I can't back you up as much as I could anymore, no matter how hard I try. They want me to be unique, separate from you, and honestly, that's exactly what I'm trying to be. Or at least hoping to be.

On the subject of influences in my life, from the time that I had said that so many role models have been gradually fading away in my eyes, I didn't realize how much lower this one person could get. It pains me to say that I can't really stand it anymore. Are you trying to manipulate me to be some homegirl without a conscience?

Because I will REALITY SLAP you in the face, bitch. So you best be watching.

And for those of you who have actually stuck it out with me, holding my hand, giving me support, in any means possible or for whatever reason, I owe you some kind of hug or something. A special hug that procreates love sprinkles. And peace sprinkles. And money sprinkles so we could go shopping for stuff together.